i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
