I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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