Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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