I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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