Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
