Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think i have two assholes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
