I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
