bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
