Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
