She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
