Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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