my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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