i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
