I accidentally burped into my bong.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
