I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
