She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
