got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
