If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
