Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
