You're my little dorito
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You smell like stripper and shame
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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