38 yer olds are good kisserssss
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
