I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
