I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
