my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
