okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
