he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
