Already got asked if we're dating
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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