...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How does it feel to date your dad?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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