Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
