I hate your face
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
