I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
