I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
