just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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