I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
