sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
