Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
