Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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