I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
