im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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