So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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