nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
