Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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