I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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