So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
