genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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