just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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