i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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