Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
