Its about making memories worth repressing
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
