That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
