I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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