eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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