Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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