i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
