U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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