That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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