i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
