i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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