I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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