Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
