i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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