i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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